Tired of failing...

Just when I start to get things going the way it needs, life throws another wrench in my sprockets. My apartment is finally fixed. It was done the day my parents arrived. Thankfully they were done before they got there. I wasn't home because I had duty. So that made me feel better.

We held our commissioning ceremony done. During which, the lanyard with the Commandant's flag fell. I ran out of the pilothouse to put it back up, only to find that the shackle holding the line broke. I get the flag raised on another halyard and all was good.

The day after the commissioning, we took all the families out on a family cruise. It took 4 cruises to get everyone in. I got to drive the small boat with my step-dad on it. That was great. I finally got to drive a boat and he got to be the passenger. He still won't let me have his boat though. Haha.

So we finally made it back to Miami. Yay. Sorry but that was sarcastic. Things here have been crazy. They put us on the end of the Island so we are being waked out like crazy. Alarms go off all the time because of it. Even the station did it. I called them up and hollered at them. One of the responses I got was "Really? You're a Cutter." Yeah really asshole. We are not a huge 210' that can handle that shit. Well, we can but that's when we are underway. Not when we are tied to a pier and have a brow over. They later apologized and didn't really realize what all happened when they did that.

But what has really gotten me so upset is that fact that I can't pass at the range. Friday when I went I failed on the pistol again. Not really out of the ordinary for me but still sucked. What was weird was that I failed on the rifle. Really!?! The long guns (shotgun and rifle) are my strong points. I have never had any problems with the rifle or shotgun. I did pass the new shotgun course, but you shoot buckshot so it's kinda hard not to pass. But the rifle? Wow.

So I went to day to re-shoot the pistol and rifle. I fail the pistol again and managed to get a round lodged in between my so called safety glasses and right below my eye. The round actually rolled down my eye lid and came to rest right below it. Seriously? Why does this always happen to me? The second big let down was that I failed the rifle AGAIN. Really? Again? I seriously don't know what is going on.

I have to pass the rifle for the evaluation the boat is getting on Friday. They are really relying on me to get this. I need this. It is a part of one of my qualifications that I really enjoy. It's shooting out the engines on boats that run. I started to cry at the range and then again when I told the XO. I really don't know whats going on. I always always always pass the long guns. That's my thing. I grew up with rifles and shotguns, it's what I am really good at.

 XO was surprised too because he knows that's my strong suit. He thinks it just might be because of all the things we got going on and it might be too much pressure on me. Well not really pressure, but I can't really focus because there is so much going on. Which is true. Friday after the range I had a coxswain board which also included a NCV gunner board. I was already so exhausted and worn out from the range I was basically like "Fuck it". That is the first time I went into a board with a "I don't care" attitude. I passed of course, but I probably seemed like a total shitbag. My fellow co-worker was on the board and he did tell them that it means alot to me being a coxswain and I was just mentally and physically exhausted at that point. I'm glad he's got my back. Good looking out.

So I get to go to the range again on Wednesday. I was told just to focus on the rifle and not to worry about shooting the pistol. I'm still good on my qual until the end of the month so I'm still covered for a little bit. They just don't want me to go and shoot and get discouraged because I fail then try to shoot the rifle afterwards. Which is good. I hope I can do better this time. I had the grouping, but was off to the right. Everyone seems to think that the sights were off. I don't know. I just think I was a little off.