Isms...

Here are some of the random things I say. Enjoy.

• When I'm not being a bitch, I'm being an asshole.
• Maybe my peeps and your peeps can be peeps. Or we can just get those Marshmallow candies that they sell at Easter. Either way.
• Lesson learned,  but more than likely going to be repeated.
• Honey...I'm home!!! Oh, yeah. I forgot. I'm single.
• I'm in a perfect alignment of craziness.
• When you wish upon a star, remember that the star burned out millions of years ago so the star is dead. Just like your wish.
• I technically don't have the "balls" to do it but I do have the tits to pull if off.
• FCK all that is missing is U (ok I didn't make that one up, but it sounds like something I'd say)
• I'm well ventilated
• A cascade of cleanliness
• No, its cool. I will just catch it with my face.
• Nothing says "I love me" like new ink.
• I was an angry ball of craziness
• I think I bruised my vagina.
• It looks like I slipped and fell at a glitter factory. Or a strip club. 
• I want you like pancakes want syrup.
• I may or may not have stole $35 out of his wallet.
• Yes it is dirty, but its not like I'm going to lick the ground or anything.
• I am busier than a rabbit in heat.
• Anyone can catch a frisbee with their hands, I try to catch them with my face.
• My nose was being totally over dramatic in the bleeding department. 
• I felt like I was doing the Truffle Shuffle rather than jogging.
• Your superstitions are no match for my lack of inhibition.
• Hello flood gates.
• Seis de Mayo...Thats Cinco de Mayo +1
• Busier than an ant during a sugar spill
• Hi Door. Meet my face.
• Anna Nicole Smith is dead to the world....just like I was before you woke me up
• Just call me Lollipop cause I am a sucker.
• It's not as wet as it looks...(as it's sitting in the pouring rain)
• Your ass must be really jealous of all the shit coming out your mouth
• You came into this world like everyone else, naked, nasty and gasping for air. You're not that special
• Fuck you and the shit storm you came in on.
• Forget lemonade....When life gives you lemons, kick life in the balls and squeeze lemon juice in its eyes...
• Anger now comes in a 5'3" package
• How can we fuck ourselves again when we haven't un-fucked ourselves from the last time
• It's so not a double standard. It's my standard.
• Are you done whining about being sun-raped and ready to get back to work?
• Just so you know, if you want me to hold your beer, I'm probably going to drink it all. Just saying.
• I usually drink beer, but some times I feel like being classy. So I will drink wine, out of a box.\
• To you it may be sub-compact but to me it's regular size.
• My truck is a 2011 and it looks like an '09
• I'm like a big ray of sunshine and a sunflower glistening from the morning dew.
• You're living the dream, I'm just trying to wake up from it.
• Yeah I'm team #2. I'm #2 because I'm the shit.
• Some people need to fall on their face to see where they are.
• I walked into the room and the smell was like a Two-by-four and hit me right in the face.
• So did I pass my pee test? (Someone else: yeah you got a b+) There had better not have been any "plus" That's not something I need right now....
• You grow from those who are there to support you and feed you, but your strength and determination will come from those who want to see you starve.... 
• Sorry, I'm mid-turd you're gonna have to wait.
• Checking the numbers huh? So that's what they call it now-a-days
• I'm an automatic, I don't have a "stick" shift
• My Lady Lawn looks like it's been abandoned for a couple of years
• I swear this woman is mostly retarded
• It may be mind over matter... but to me, I mind if I matter.
• I have an anger tolerance of a mountain lion with rabies
• When you're so far down the shithole it's gonna be dark. There is no bright side.
• If you did what everyone wanted, you wouldn't be as awesome as you are now.
• I never regret anything I have done because it made me who I am today: Awesome.
• I'm not a plumber so don't be giving me your shit.
• If it isn't broke, just wait cause it will be.