Maybe I'm just naive...

I don't know why I thought I would have some down time in Key West. Most of my free time is spent either sleeping or in a study/sign off sessions. I have so much to do in such a short amount of time. I have to get JOOD qualified, but I am already a week behind everyone. My first week on the boat was spent doing chart corrections. I may have everything signed off, but I don't know the systems as well as I should. I don't want to be the only 2nd class that isn't qualified. I wanted to spend this weelend studying and going over the boats systems, but I had to come back to Miami to drive the van. It is packed full of things that need to go back into storage and grab things that we do need from storage.

It is nice being home, but I find myself being lonely. I don't have my truck so I am pretty much limited to what I can do. But on the other hand I don't really want to do anything. I feel my depression creeping back up on me. I don't have any motivation anymore. I am getting very over weight and there is nothing I can do about it. I can eat half way decent, but that is it. I have no motivation to workout. I am burnt out. I know what I need to do, but I just can't. I hate feeling this way.

On a lighter note...I have been able to take the small boat out. That instantly brightens my mood. I will say that I have been quite the bitch lately. I am not my happy self. I just need to find my release before this depression takes anymore hold over me. I almost would rather be in the hectic chaos just so I don't have time to think.

I know this post is VERY different than my last. Trust me when I say I wish it was different. I have had so much happen to me that I could write about, but this is what comes from my fingers. I should write about how we finally got to sleep off the boat for a couple of weeks. We are staying at the Travel Lodge in Key West while contractors are working all hours on the boat. Or how my BFF on the boat is leaving because she is pregnant. I am happy for her, but she is really the only on I can hang out with and get away from everyone. I am going to miss her. Thankfully she is still going to be in Miami so I can still hang out with her outside of work.

I can also write about how I have been so busy that I missed a few great things outside of work. I missed my cousin/sister's wedding. She is technically my cousin by marriage, but we are so much alike that people think we are sisters. I told her that I would try my hardest to make it to her wedding, but in all honesty I forgot until the day before. By that time it was too late to see if I could get off of duty to come. I also forgot about Fathers Day. Talk about being a shitty daughter. I didn't remember until the nigh before. I didn't send any cards. Thankfully I have the greatest father and step-father. They both knew I am so busy and they both said that they didn't need a card. The fact that I called them and wished them a happy Father's day was enough for them. I love them both so much for that! I felt so crappy. I am glad that they understand and they are both so proud of me.

I guess that the best thing I can do right now is keep on keeping on. Things will get better I know. It has to, I extended for another year! Haha. I didn't want to do all of this hard work, finally get qualified, and know everything about the boat and then just leave. It would make all this pointless. I just made 2nd not long ago and I have alot to learn still. I would be doing myself a mis-justice if I left too soon. So I will just "buck up" and make the most out of everything.

I hope that the next time I get the opportunity to write it will be more happier. I thank you all for standing by me. It really means alot.