I just don't get it. Guys can be just to damn complicated. Ok, yeah I will admit it has been a while since I have actually "dated". But come on, it's like riding a bike right? I'm just not good at it. I guess thats why most of the guys in my life have been either just friends, on the fly guys, or scared little puppies. Here lately I thought things might be different. I did the whole Match thing. Wow. Talk about some real winners there. I got asked to be in a relationship where there were 3 other girls dating the same guy, and they all knew about it. Um, lets see, I had a guy that was into major fetish stuff. Like dressing in bondage gear. I like to consider muself a "free" person but not that free. So there has been a few good prospects. We chatted, texed back and forth, everything was yippy skippy. Then we met. Meeting goes good, we laugh, we enjoy ourselves, say good night...yada yada. Next day: Nada. And same for the consecutive days. Like really? I thought we hit it off and you acted the same, then nothing? Come on seriously. Grow some balls and just tell me you don't like me. I'm a big girl. I can totally handle it.
Anyways, now there is one last one. I say last one because I cancelled my Match membership whether this one works out or not. I'm going to be leaving for training soon anyways. But this last one is something different and I think thats what agrevates me the most. I really like him. We have texted and sent e-mails back and forth for over a month before we met. He was in another state on orders. Yeah, I know another Coastie. This one is a reservest so maybe thats different. After electronically talking to him for a while, I realized he is like a male version of me. Totally wierd. We have alot of the same interests and personality. Of course there are some differences, but all in all, I feel that I have met my match (no pun intended).
So we met for the first time on Friday. I'm nervous because I really like him, and well my track record with first dates was stated before. I didn't want that to happen with this one. So we meet, and of course all goes well. I might have had more drinks than I intended to. Hey I was nervous! Haha I wasn't drunk or anywhere close, just maybe a little lose in the verbage than I probably should have. Well, as luck would have it, he texts me the next day (technically the same day cause it was early in the morning when we got home). We have been texting back and forth pretty much everyday. Sunday night he calls me (he is first to actually call) and asks me if I want to go to the Hard Rock. Of course I am down. We have a good time, I lose money, but its all good. I'm not much of a gambler anyways. We ended up walking around for a bit then we decided (well he did) that it was time to go. He was tired. We had a awkward good bye, but not in a bad way.
And of course there have been more texts since. My deal is, is that I want to hang out with him alot more. He doesn't seem to want to. It maybe because he has been gone for two months, but I even offered to go there. I'm probably over reacting (because I have a tendency to do that), but I just don't know how to react. I really like him and want to get to know him a little closer and maybe start dating, but then I know I need to take it slow. I'm just not good at that part. When I see something I want I usually get it. I don't want to move too fast with him because I don't want to mess things up, but I don't want to wait too long because then I'm afraid I might lose him. AHHH! Why does this shit have to be such a damn game. One wrong move and BAM your gone.
I'm just frustrated. Just when I think I have moved a little too strong and don't hear anything back from him, I get a text the next day of him apoligizing for being the way he was. I wish I could just straight up ask him where he sees this going. I hate playing these stupid games. I think I would feel better knowing how he feels, but I'm also scared he won't feel the same way. Sometime I feel I choose the wrong time to quit smoking. Haha.
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